Teach Me Gently How To Breathe
by Safe.Place.To.Read
Summary: Leaning in, Toby kissed away the tiny salt crystals still falling from her eyes, which were now a hybrid of blood-shot red and ebony brown. It pained him to see her so upset... {Spencer wakes up in Toby's warm embrace after a nightmare.} Spoby post 3x24.


**Hi beauties :) Before I go on, I feel like I should warn you. This is veryyy angsty. Spencer and Toby went through a really rough patch there, what with all the lies/secrets/feelings. I don't think they can fully move on from it until they really talk things out and get it all out in the open. As far as we know, Spencer still thinks Toby was inside the loft as she broke down on the other side of the door...  
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**So this is my take on how that conversation goes. Toby's been spending the night at Spence's because...well... let's face it, they're cute in bed together ;) They sleep better in each other's arms and her parents are never home, so I mean.  
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**The title is a line from Birdy's "Shelter," whichhh just so happens to be the song they were originally going to use in the 3x24 love scene, btw ;) **

**Enjoy! Don't forget to let me know your thoughts :) xoxo  
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**I do not own Pretty Little Liars.  
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**. . . . .**

She usually looked so peaceful when she slept. The way her chest rose and fell ever so slightly comforted him in every way possible. Her breathing was steady and light; she would be lax and at ease which was something truly rare for anybody to see.

But not tonight.

It was three a.m. and the roaring storm outside was nothing in comparison to the sight before Toby _inside_ the Hastings household. Spencer's breathing was heavy, almost like she was being chased. Still wrapped in Toby's warm embrace, her left arm rested over his chest (like it had been before they fell asleep). It pained him more than words could even express to see her in such a state. As the tears began to cascade and she yelled out his name, Toby tried once again to save her from the nightmare tormenting her.

"Spencer," he started as he gently stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Spencer, wake up. Please baby wake up. It's just a dream..." He rubbed her back soothingly as he desperately tried to rescue her.

Suddenly her eyes shot open and her breathing quickened in pace. "Toby I'm so sorry," she breathed.

"Shhhh it's okay. You don't have to apologize."

She shook her head immediately. "Yes I do."

Questioningly, he flashed her a genuine look of worry.

"I scratched your name into your mother's headstone," her entire body was shaking. "I was just... You were... I..."

"Spencer..." He spoke softly. It was like if his voice was to crescendo even the slightest bit, Spencer would shatter like a fragile shard of glass.

"I'm so sorry..." Burying her face into his shoulder, she allowed the tears to fall freely. Spencer wanted to talk to him, wanted to hug him and kiss him and sort their shit out. She wanted to explain herself, tell him how unbelievably sorry she was. But her emotions had other plans. In place of her voice was a never-ending symphony of sobs.

"C'mere," he whispered, wrapping her in his warm embrace. "I got you, Spence." His voice cracked. He did this. He was the reason the girl in his arms was so broken. "I got you."

"No..." She lifted her head up off his chest. "Toby. _I carved your name into your mother's_ _headstone._ I ruined that and I ruined us just like I ruin everything and I - "

"Hey," he traced gentle hearts along her back. "Don't talk like that."

"But I do, don't I?" She was still shaking. "Your name will always be there. In that headstone. None of this would have ever happened if I...if I just..."

"If you what, Spencer?" This wasn't her fault. None of it was.

She shook her head, trying to come up with something she could have possibly done to prevent this. "I..."

"Exactly." Leaning in, Toby kissed away the tiny salt crystals still falling from her eyes, which were now a hybrid of blood-shot red and ebony brown. "There was _nothing _you could have done. The whole thing... it's one big twisted mess that you just happen to be caught up in. I tried to end it all, but..." He sighed.

"I'm so sorry things happened the way that they did." Toby inhaled, using every bit of energy he had to hold back the water works threatening to fall. He needed to stay strong for her. "I'm sorry that I hurt you so bad. Spencer... I'm sorry I let you believe that I was dead and that you suffered as badly as you did. I'm sorry that you had to go to Radley and I'm sorry you couldn't get a full night of sleep for over two months. You have _every _right to feel the way that you did. After you found me out... that night in your kitchen... you felt betrayed and hurt and devastated. You thought that everything we had was a lie, that I never loved you at all. " No longer could he hold back his back his emotions. "I am so beyond sorry that I made you feel that way, Spencer."

Spencer was now caressing his face, wiping away the tears that fell. They were both so broken in that moment.

"So don't you see? If anybody should be sorry, it's _me._" He took Spencer's hands in his, looking her square in the eye. "And I am_. So very sorry,_" he whispered.

And for a few moments... they just lied there. Wrapped in each other's embraces. Letting out any and all tears that would form.

Everything Toby did was so that he could protect her, though in the end he only caused her pain. Sure, he'd kept Mona from causing her any physical harm. But the emotional aspect of everything was the area in which Toby was completely impotent in. He was so powerless. It broke his heart to know how broken she had become.

"I love you with all my heart," Spencer whispered after a while.

"I love you with mine." He placed a gentle kiss on her temple as he counted his lucky stars. Not in his wildest dreams had he ever been able to imagine her forgiveness. He'd thought, at the very least, it would take months. Years even. Though he wanted more than anything in the world for her to take him back, he'd always pictured her moving on... Never to speak of him again.

Yet here they were and Toby couldn't be more thankful. God how he loved her. "Spence?"

The girl murmured a barely audible "hmm." She was still in such a fragile state.

"Mona told me something," he started nervously. "About our anniversary."

Suddenly very alert, she looked up at his troubled face.

"You came by that night?"

She nodded and sighed sorrowfully. By the genuine question in his tone, she figured he really had not known. The question had been eating her away for months.

"I skipped town literally right after I left your house. I hadn't been at the loft at all... And I sure as _hell _didn't leave you out there so broken and alone." His breath hitched in his throat. "I just..."

She reached her soft hand out and gently stroked Toby's tear stained cheek. He was trying so hard to keep it together -for her- but Spencer knew that he was dying on the inside.

Just the thought of that night... They cringed at the horrors dancing inside their heads.

"I'm sorry," he said once more, meaning it with every fiber of his being.

"Hey," she croaked. Plastering on a weak half smile, Spencer soothed him. "I know you are. I forgive you... and I love you. So much. But I need you to do me a favor."

He nodded, now playing with her fingers.

"I need you to stop apologizing to me. There's nothing we can do to change what happened, and if anything, it's only made us stronger. Don't you see how we can finally be completely honest with each other?" Spencer grinned. "It's amazing."

He stopped toying with her fingers then. He stopped doing everything, actually - perhaps even breathing. Looking into Spencer's beautiful mocha eyes Toby could do nothing but stare in awe. It was true what she said; now they were stronger than ever. No more secrets. Those secrets were what ripped into things and tarnished even the most pure. But they were safe now and knew that no matter what road bumps the universe had planned for them, they would get through it. Just like they always do. This had only further proved that true love really does conquer all.

They didn't need words anymore. Staring far into the souls underlying the other's eyes, they simultaneously leaned in closer. Because "close" just was never close enough. Fluttering their eyes shut, all at once their lips were colliding and angels were singing.

The kiss was soft and slow as they savored the moment, each intoxicated by the other.

"Remember when I told you not to let me go?" Spencer whispered breathlessly against Toby's lips.

"Yes," he murmured back. A tender smile etched over his features.

"Well this time I mean it." She giggled. "Never let me go. Ever."

Toby kissed her once more, already missing the feel of her lips on his. "I promise."

And it was true. They were both _exactly_ where they needed to be.


End file.
